i am easy..

... to make happy. i kinda wish someone would just come up to me with fresh flowers they just happened to buy coz it reminded them of me or cookies and my day would be made. it'd lift this stupid sadness for a little bit.

glumbot

i've been really bummed this weekend... make that the past few months.

but last night, i was lucky enough to have steph sit with me and listen.

that helps.

thanks.

my lola has someone she's been friends with since she was in the sixth grade. my lola is 84 years old. just do the math. they've known each other for about 62 years, more or less. lola jenny hasn't always had the best life. i think she was abused by her husband for the longest time. of course, in that time, we didn't have legal separation or divorce. and being a career-minded woman was a long way off. so she stayed with him and raised 7 or 9 kids, i forget the number. she's 87 now and only one daughter stuck around. but even she doesn't want to take her mother in. so she stays with my lola and i because she's had a stroke which really paralyzed her and it's taken a while for her to work up the strength to get better.

it's been years but we finally thought she was strong enough.

yesterday, she had a heart attack. now, she's in a coma. the doctors don't know what else they can do. she's too frail to have operations or tests.

so i guess, we're just waiting. i don't want to think about what we're waiting for. to pass away or to live? even the latter doesn't seem like a good option. she might come out of this even more fragile than before.

tonight was the first time i was able to visit her in the icu. the first time i could get myself out my selfishness and my selfish life and the things that seemed so important last week. i can't muster up the relevance now compared to this.

it broke my heart.

being with her and trying to talk to her was hard. i don't know if she could hear me. maybe, she could. but when i talked to her, she squeezed my hand. and she looked like she wanted to open her eyes and speak but she couldn't.

i just want her to be comfortable. that's the most and the best i can hope for.

i hope she gets better.
_________________________________________

Lola Jenny passed away on Dec. 12, 2008 at quarter to 1 p.m.

for scar

one of my law school classmates, scar ferrer, passed away last saturday on nov 1. it was a really horrific car accident when a bus collided head-on with the toyota revo she was driving on nlex highway. she and her passenger, a priest, passed away instantly. 

i wasn't all that close to her but i knew enough to know that she wasn't someone i could easily find something bad to dislike about. she was nice and fun and very sweet to get to know. she was just the kind of person who seemed like a good friend.

i'm really genuinely sorry that she passed away so early. and i'm truly genuinely sorry for her family.

rest in peace, scar.

you will be missed.