cliff notes version for ny fashion

subway posters

city dance

attack of the giant woman

Guy #1: So I basically came up with a question that doesn't have an answer. Would you do Jessica Simpson, I mean really Jessica Simpson, but the catch is she is the size of Shaquille O'Neal? Like 300 pounds and 7 feet tall but still really truly Jessica Simpson.
Guy #2: You're right, I don't have an answer.
Guy #1: Yeah, neither did Kevin when I asked him last night. What a mind blow...

--6 Train

hoshit

Pilot: We haven't been cleared for landing yet, so we're just going to have to fly around for about 30 minutes. We have about 45 minutes worth of fuel left, so we should be okay.

--Flight into LaGuardia

someone watched too much godfather

Mother: So remember, when we get off the train, you have to hold my hand.
Five-year-old girl: Capeesh.
Mother: Do you understand? You have to hold my hand.
Five-year-old girl: Capeesh, mom! Capeesh!

--A Train

fatherly advice

Father to bored seven-year-old son: I have the Post and the Daily News, which one do you want?
Son: (takes newspaper skeptically)
Father: Go to page six.
Son: Why?
Father: That's where the girls in bikinis are.

--Penn Station

drama queen

Woman: Honey, how about McDonald's? You want some chicken nuggets?

Toddler in a stroller: I'd rather die.

--JFK Airport

the certainty of youth

Mother of four-year-old boy (looking at display case): Wait up for me, Jack. Don't go on the escalator without me.
Four-year-old boy: It's okay, I can do it.
Mother of four-year-old: No, Jack. Wait for me.
Four-year-old boy: It's okay, mom. I can go up by myself.
Mother of four-year-old: Jack. Don't go up without me.
Four-year-old boy: Mom. It's okay. I can do it. I'm wearing my lucky Batman underwear.

--Macy's

Barbie has a bust size of 300000, too

Barefoot girl #1: What's wrong with your feet? Why are you bending them like that?
Barefoot girl #2: I'm not. I just have very high arches.
Barefoot girl #1: No, that's freaky. You look like you're wearing high heels! You have Barbie feet!
Barefoot girl #2: Well, obviously then I am the ideal of feminine beauty. I also don't have a vagina.

--Central Park

me hungry

Three-year-old yuppie spawn: Noooooooooooo! I don't want Pad Thai! I want sushi!

--Dice Thai, Prospect Park

religion

Man reciting gospel on a train: And you, sir, have you accepted Jesus into your life?
Passenger: A long time ago, baby. Now fuck off.

--1 Train

mine is bigger than yours. sorta.

(Asian guy cuts in front of black guy in suit and starts peeing into toilet)

Black guy in suit: I was here first.

Asian guy: I have to go more.

Black guy in suit: Move or I am going to piss on your back, motherfucker.

(Black guy now stands side by side with Asian guy at toilet, both actually peeing into same toilet while trying to push each other away)

--W 4th Pizza Place

for my friend stephen

Girl: So were they good-looking? Can you even tell if a guy is good-looking?
Guy (clueless, shrugging shoulders): I don't know! They were English!

--77th & Amsterdam

nyahahaha.

-abs

so many reasons to love new york: all the crazy people

Crazy guy: I don't give a fuck! I'll fight all ya'll muthafuckas! I'm from Brooklyn East New York, nigga! I'll fuck up every muthafucka in here...
Old guy: Bitch, you step on my shoe! I'll take my belt off and beat your ass with it! Look at my hair- it's grey! You don't talk to me like that, I beat your ass!
Crazy guy: Uhh... I don't fight old people--that's bad luck. (awkwardly exits car)

--1 Train

another reason to love new york. geeks and freaks.

Geeky kid #1: So they were talking about cremation, did you hear that for $10,000 you can get your ashes turned into a diamond, like for your nearest and dearest to wear?
Geeky kid #2: Imagine if your wife wore it while she fucked some other guy!
Geeky kid #1: It? Imagine if she wore you.
Geeky kid #2: The wench.

--L Train

one reason you have to love new york

Tourist woman: I am waiting until the sign says "walk"!
10-year old: Lady, then you're going to be here for a while.
Tourist woman: I don't want to cross by myself.
10-year old: Uh. I'll cross with you.

--Greene St