who to be with

"At the end of the day, when it comes down to it, all we really want is to be close to somebody. So this thing where we all keep our distance and pretend not to care about each other, it's usually a load of bull. So we pick and choose who we want to remain close to, and once we've chosen those people, we tend to stick close by. No matter how much we hurt them. The people that are still with you at the end of the day, those are the ones worth keeping. And sure, sometimes close can be too close. But sometimes, that invasion of personal space, it can be exactly what you need."

-Meredith Grey, Grey's Anatomy

we all kinda wanna be with somebody. everyone gets into phases of no, i wanna be alone, single is good, single is educational, single is pain-free... but then, we snag our friends, make them go out with us, go out and have fun and be with other people as much as we can coz they drown out the loneliness inside us. so even when we don't want to be in romantical relationship (ooh! new word again, i am genius), we still NEED to be around people. no man is an island.

and yes, we get picky. i have a tendency to stay around the people who pass my approval. and hell, if i don't like you, i don't like you. i get aloof and awkward and uncomfy... because i want the people to get the hint that i don't wanna be around them (and i think i'm too nice to be the person to turn them away myself. i'd rather be the person who got dumped, haha). but it's sad... the people i do choose to surround me and to be around with. they aren't as lucky as the people who don't get to be around me. those people, the ones who remain acquaintances, they're the people who know the surface level. who know the nail-width of my personality and no one puts the crappiest pieces of themselves in their facades. the people who get close enough are the ones stiuck with my whole imperfect package: my sarcasm, my tactlessness, my meanness, every part of me that is just too annoying for words. so even if the ones we isolate from ourselves are people we can't stand, the people we hurt are the people who know the real us. now isn't that ironic. but they stick around. because for some unknown saintly reason, they also decided that they choose you to stick around them, to know the real them, to feel the real quirks of their character. so maybe humainity entails being in a twisted, painful, mutually abusive relationship. but maybe, isn't that what we all can't live without.

and the person who made the extra effort to stick out their necks and risk themselves to get to know the super duper inner you? those are the people that have made it their life mission to fall in love with you. those are the people who have done far more than scale the tallest mountain and walk over flaming coals and take a class under Father Dacanay. they did the riskiest thing of all coz they got to know the crappiest, shittiest parts of you... and they decided to love crappy, shitty part of you as well. LOVE, geez. hard and harsh and shit, one of the best damn things in the world.

so yes, they are in your face. they chose to be in your face and annoy you by taking up your personal space. and don't you just love them for it?